Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Fast Forward

What will life to look like in 5 years??
I will have a 9 yr old, 8 year old and 5 year old. CRAZY. Maybe even MORE kids! EEK
And that is going to be here faster than I can even imagine. How do I know, because this year I will have a 5 year old. It seems like yesterday I got to hold her tiny 5lb self after being delivered 6 weeks earlier than planned. TIME FLIES. I don't know how the saying goes, but the days are LOOOOONNNGGGG but the years FLY by.

I would not have ever classified myself as a dreamer, or goal setter to be honest. Im the type that is trying to figure out how the heck I'm gonna make it through today and this week much less the next year. Who has time to think about next year. But two years ago something happened.

My sweet Allie was 3, it was April and landscaping season had begun. Daddy worked HARD for our family, long hours so that I could be home to raise our children, however that came at a cost. He worked long days for corporate job, and nights and weekends to build another business to provide the income we needed to support our quickly expanding family. Michael left out the garage door and Allie ran, fast and hard, and crying, banging on the door begging to go with daddy. I felt like I was watching my heart as thats how I really felt too. Desperately wishing he didn't have to go out again and work long, physically exhausting hours.
Now the truth is my heart had been struggling because I didn't understand WHY he HAD to work all the time. What I didn't see was how HARD my sweet man was fighting for our better future. He knew he was created for more than excel spreadsheets and managing a budget. He didn't know WHAT but he knew WHY. He wanted a different future than what that would bring. He wanted financial freedom, to be able to give freely to our church, support ministries and people we love. He wanted to enjoy life to the fullest and pursue his passions without the pressure and burden of time and money. 
If I'm honest we fought often because his fighting wore me out. I did not understand WHY. Until that day. The banging on the back door, crying for her daddy to come play.
For the first time I wanted HIS future to look different too. I realized all his hard work and long hours was fighting for our family, and for a better future, but at the expense of less time with us, more hours working to take care of our family. I wanted him to have more time with our kiddos to be the amazing Daddy that is his and wanted to be.

Thats when I asked myself the question I first asked you...

What is life gonna look like in 5 years if nothing changes? 
Or even just 2 years. What will our crazy life look like in 2 years? 

Then I started taking small baby steps every day. I began investing in myself, reading, challenging myself to become more. Realized if I could change and better my future, could I help others change and better theirs? 
"2 years from now" has arrived. 
He is here.
He ate breakfast and lunch with us.
He picked them up from preschool and randomly took them to a park today in freezing cold weather when they saw a FUN NEW PARK.
He rocked Noah to sleep at nap time and even lingered to "snuggle please" at a precious request. Last week I walked in to an elaborate tea party he had set up for Allie.

The most powerful thing I realize now that happened that day in April 2 years ago is that I realized I didn't have to stay where I was. I could be more, become more and in turn maybe I could impact our families future for the better. I realized I was made for something more. I wanted more out of life. I was not ok with Michael working 80 hours a week to provide for us causing him to miss out on so many of the memories and precious gifts that come with raising children. Because of that day, he is now here. He has TIME with our children. He is a gift to them, they are the sweetest gifts to his soul.

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