Lets just be honest, I am not profound, I have not spent 3 hours studying and processing something profound. Why, you say? Because I have 3 sweet babies that demand my time and attention from sun up to sun down. I also have an amazing husband that gets the extra few minutes of my time and energy as those sweet little souls finally rest their heads. Oh and cleaning the house, cooking, dishes, laundry, exercise, investing in lives of friends...not exactly where that time comes from but some how we manage to maintain the chaos. If you are a mother of young children, or once had young children this all makes sense, if not what I am about to say may not be speaking your language.
I am a perfectionist, and so to be honest throughout my life I came to the conclusion that if I can't do something well, I should not do it at all. This is not a constructive idea or lifestyle, but it was my way of avoid failure or trying really hard and not measuring up. So I just settled for being and living a mediocre life and settling with the idea of my life "is what it is." Two years ago, a set of circumstances and an opportunity I was given forced me to really look at life from a different perspective. What if there was more? What if I, crazy, most days melancholy Renee, What if I could positively impact the lives of others. What if I could invest in myself and then invest in others and could help them live the life they always wanted if they only knew how. Thus began a journey that I am still knee deep in and searching like crazy for wisdom and truths that can challenge me to become the person God designed me to be. Fully alive, fully loved and full of hope.
So where Im going with all of this is that most days, while I would love to spend 2 hours studying Gods word, reading books on how to become more and how to invest in and challenge people to become more, most days I am lucky to get 30 minutes before those sweet babies start calling my name. An Andy Andrews book I read several years ago outlines the principle and value of Seeking Wisdom. For a long while I thought the focus was wisdom... which it kind of is, but from the real value for me has come in the seeking. It is a continual journey. So basically, I feel like in a way I have become a seeker. Seeking wisdom in all realms of life, spiritual truth, financial freedom, nutrition and how to live a healthy lifestyle, parenting, small business, marriage and many more aspects of life.
All of that to say, I claim that most of what I will probably say today and in all future posts is rarely an original thought. As I continue to seek, I am going to try to use this as a place to share the glimpses of truth and knowledge in hopes that some of what the lord is teaching me, will guide your heart, and give you perseverance.
So in this season of my life, with very young children desperately needing and demanding every ounce of my time and energy, the reality is that I am drained. As a perfectionist, I feel like I have failed in many ways, and that most days feel like I am walking through quick sand trying to just get my feet on solid ground so that I can breathe. Last night at our bible study, we were discussing the demanding challenges of this stage of life, and our mentors encouraged and reminded us that this is the stage where the rubber meets the road. As a friend put it, this is the application stage of life. For years I may have studied the scripture, and learned truth but these years are where I will get to apply these truths on the most basic practical level. I will have to choose and demonstrate and teach love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, and self control. And if you were a fly on the wall in our home, most days I fail miserably. My heart was encouraged last night, and then the Lord was so sweet this morning to encourage me in such a sweet way. Most days the only scripture I read is from a Solid Joys app on my phone. I love this because my heart starts the day being encouraged with truth and focused on what matters most. This morning though I clicked the link at the bottom, which lead me to the website, to where I happened to click on another blog link to this article. I am not going to try to translate, but rather allow the truth to encourage your spirit as it did mine this morning.